


under dessert tables

by Quillium



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Schitt's Creek
Genre: Gen, background David/Patrick - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 17:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20456882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillium/pseuds/Quillium
Summary: David narrows his eyes, “First of all, it’s not my fault that you have no sense of fashion. And second of all, are you going to punch me? Because if you are, please try to avoid the nose, it’s harder to cover up nose breaks with makeup than black eyes.”“Oh my god,” Jason mutters, “Are all rich kids psychos?”





	under dessert tables

**Author's Note:**

> Is anybody interested in a Batfam crossover with Schitt's Creek? No. Did I enjoy writing it anyways? Heck yes. Drink your water. Get your sleep. Indulge yourself with weird fanfic ideas.

“Christ,” Jason mutters as they step into the gala, fiddling with the hem of his suit jacket, “Can this place get any more pretentious?”

“Wait until someone starts talking to you,” Bruce says, grinning easily with his hand on Jason’s elbow, “You can bail any time you want, you know that, right, chum?”

“I know, I know,” Jason flaps a hand impatiently, “You and Dick-face have been all worried about me. Go and be a suck-up, I’ll be by the dessert table.”

“I recommend the bowls of shaved ice. Dick used to stash a few under the table since they taste pretty good.”

“Not worried about me getting a stomach-ache?”

“I just want you to have fun.”

“That’ll be a challenge,” Jason punches Bruce in the arm, “Go away, old man. I’m not interested in getting sucked into conversation.”

Laughing quietly, Bruce brushes two fingers over Jason’s cheek and waves him off before loudly greeting a group of socialites.

Jason finds his way to the dessert table, which seems thankfully deserted. Taking Bruce’s advice, he shoves a few cups of shaved ice below the tablecloth before grabbing a spoon and crawling under.

Unfortunately, it seems there was some other kid who had the same idea, and stares at Jason wide eyed with a spoonful of pavlova halfway to his mouth.

“Oh my god,” the kid whispers, shrinking back, “I thought—I thought nobody else would come under here.”

“Well, scoot the fuck over,” Jason hisses, waving his hands and quickly getting under before anyone can notice, “I’d rather none of the adults find out I’m here so I guess you can stay here, too.”

The kid looks deathly pale as he sets his spoon of meringue back into an admittedly delicious looking platter of food and whispers, “You can’t tell anyone that I’m eating.”

“What the fuck?” Jason whispers back, “What, are you supposed to be starving or something?”

“I have a photoshoot in a week,” the kid hisses, “I’m supposed to be eating healthy.”

“Okay, none of this—“ Jason gestures, “Says healthy.”

“I know! So don’t tell anyone. Please. I’ll give you—I don’t know, fashion advice.”

“You little twerp, what’s wrong with my tux?”

“For one thing, you look like you’re trying way too hard to copy Richard Wayne.”

“Richar—Dick?”

“Yes. And you don’t have the build for it.”

“Are you trying to be a little shit right now?”

The kid narrows his eyes, “First of all, it’s not my fault that you have no sense of fashion. And second of all, are you going to punch me? Because if you are, please try to avoid the nose, it’s harder to cover up nose breaks with makeup than black eyes.”

“Oh my _god_,” Jason mutters, “Are all rich kids psychos?”

“My little sister is,” the kid jerks his chin, nodding at the world beyond their tablecloth, “She loves socializing and being surrounded with all those people.”

“And you don’t?”

“Of course I do. I like having people around me, and I can be extremely charming,” the kid shoves another spoonful of pavlova in his mouth.

“I’m not seeing it, bud.”

“That’s because I’m not trying. And you’re not exactly the life of the party, either.”

“Well, I’m a street kid. What’s your excuse?”

The kid purses his lips together, “You’re Jason Wayne?”

“Todd. Jason _Todd_.”

He rolls his eyes, “Right. You’re the newest Wayne kid, though.”

“Okay, asshat, and who are you?”

“David Rose.”

“Great, and what’s your excuse?”

“This pavlova is better than anyone out there.”

__

He’s seventeen and angry and at a gala meeting a crime boss. Biding his time, getting some info before he decides who to kill.

And it’s great. It is. But life gets miserable when all you talk to are criminals so Jason takes five, moving to the balcony for some air.

It’s just his luck that two guys are already there, talking in hushed voices.

“Look, Seb, I’m just not in the mood right now, the FBI says that they can’t extract Alexis and the situation is tense and I just don’t think—“

“Listen, David,” Seb cups David’s face in his hands and—is that David Rose? What happened to eating under dessert tables?—leans in to kiss him, “Your sister will be fine. And come on, you know you want it.”

“I just think we should wait until the situation with Alexis—“

Seb cuts David off with a kiss, fingers curling into the back of David’s hair and fingers running down David’s back.

This isn’t Jason’s business. At all.

David’s trying to pull away, whispering, “Look, I shouldn’t—“

“Don’t think about what should or shouldn’t,” Seb murmurs, “How do you feel? This feels right, doesn’t it? It feels good, right? So let’s ditch this place and go somewhere private and—“

“Hey,” Jason says, despite everything in him screaming about how stupid he’s being, “Is that David Rose? Oh my god, wow! I’ve been meaning to chat with you!”

“You must be mistaken,” Seb says, smiling brightly as he claps David on the back, “This guy isn’t really the business guy. More creative, of course. If you want to talk business you should talk to his father, Johnny Rose.”

David is squinting at Jason, this vaguely baffled look on his face, like he thinks he can place the face but doesn’t think it could possibly be the right conclusion.

“No, no,” Jason pulls out his best Brucie impression, laughs, and ruffles Seb’s hair, “You don’t mind giving us gents some one-on-one time, do you, chap?”

“No,” Seb squeezes David’s shoulder, “Of course not. You know, you are really quite handsome—I’d love to photograph you sometime just lifting weights or looking powerful.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jason says cooly, “Well, I’m sure you have more connections to make. Don’t let me keep you waiting! I’m sure you wouldn’t want to loiter about like some kid at a tax seminar.”

“Of course,” Seb laughs and leaves.

David is still staring at Jason, looking confused.

“What’s up?” Jason asks, because he has no idea what he’s doing other than throwing all his plans out the window for some dumb kid he hung out with at galas growing up.

“Um, nothing,” David stammers. He pulls at the rings on his hand, flashing silver, and asks, “Are you new around here? I don’t think—I don’t think that I’ve seen your face around here before.”

“I think you have,” Jason answers lightly, “I just have one of those faces. Easy to forget.”

“No, I’d—I’d definitely remember someone like you,” David says, hopelessly lost.

“Is that a come on?” Jason raises his eyebrows.

“No! I’m in a relationship.”

“With that guy?”

“Yes.”

“You could do better.”

“Was that a come on?”

“No, of course not, I wouldn’t hit on a man in a relationship. You seem to like my face though.”

“No, no, it’s just—you remind me of someone.”

“Who?”

“Just an old friend.”

“Oh, perhaps I know him.”

“No, he—he’s dead.”

“That’s too bad for him,” Jason’s fingers itch for a cigarette. He wonders when things got so messy, “I’ve got to go, now. Maybe talk to some people who aren’t your boyfriend.”

“What? I don’t—“

Jason leaves before David can finish talking.

__

He’s 21 and visiting the demon brat at the Kent farm because somehow he’s ended up living at the Manor again and—ugh—becoming part of the family.

“Hey-o, Jay,” Jonathan says, easygoing, smiling as he sweeps out the door with an armful of cheese, “We’re meeting with a distributor today, I hope you don’t mind. We were going to meet a week ago, but then Martha came down with this cold, you see, so we rescheduled to today.”

“No problem,” Jason agrees easily, taking the cheese from Jonathan, because no matter what, the Kent family’s always been good to him, “How can I help?”

“Just with transportation,” Jonathan jerks a chin at the picnic bench by the old swing tree, “We’re moving a few cheeses there. I was just finishing up, actually, we’re planning on having lunch with the distributors after a quick tour. Would you mind joining us?”

“Of course not,” Jason sets the cheese down, “Guess this means I’ve got to be on good behaviour though, huh?”

“Afraid so,” Jonathan ruffles Jason’s hair as a truck pulls up in the distance, “Looks like they’re here. I’m going to rearrange these, mind guiding those two over here to talk to me?”

“No, ‘course not,” Jason steps away as Jonathan begins to arrange the cheese.

The distributors are talking in front of their car, looking around. One of them lights up when he catches sight of Jason and waves, pulling his partner over with long strides, “Hey,” blue button-up says, dragging his strangely familiar partner behind him, “You must be Jonathan Kent.”

“Not quite,” Jason laughs, blinking a few times at the partner. Strange, he almost looks like… never mind, “I’m just a friend. Why don’t you come on over for a quick tour of the farm and then we’ll settle down for lunch?”

“Sounds great,” blue button-up sticks out a hand, “I’m Patrick Brewer, and this is my partner, David Rose.”

“David Rose?” Jason echoes faintly even as he reaches out to shake Patrick’s hand, “As in—“

“Yes,” Patrick’s smile turns cool as ice, the same way Bruce’s does whenever one of the bat clan gets injured, “I hope that’s not a problem?”

“Jason Todd,” Jason says, rocking back on his heels, watching as David’s eyes widen, “Surprise, I’m alive.”

“I read about it, but I wasn’t sure—“

“Yeah,” Jason shrugs, “Sorry for not getting back in touch.”

“It’s alright,” David smiles fondly at Patrick, “I think you got me out of a bad situation a while back, when you still had amnesia.”

“You had the bad boyfriend?”

“Yeah.”

Jason nods as they reach the cheese table, “Well, I’m glad you seem good with your current one. Jonathan will lead you guys through the tour and I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Definitely,” David beams, “It was nice seeing you, Jason.”

“You, too,” Jason grins, “Nice meeting you as well, Patrick.”

“You, too,” Patrick grins. The two move to Jonathan and Jason goes into the house to bug Damian.

**Author's Note:**

> Should you be sleeping? Because if you should be sleeping, then go to sleep _now_. You have 0 excuses. Go. Take care of yourselves. Don't be dumb. Take care of your body.


End file.
